December 7, 2012

My Life

You know people who are confused about who they are or what they want to do with their lives? People who are searching and confused, lost and unhappy.  I'm not one of those.  Maybe you are, it's okay, there is no judgment here.  You are allowed to feel that way, I don't think it makes you weird, in fact it's probably normal.  I've just never felt that way.  I know exactly what I want.  I know what I need to achieve to be happy and I know how to get there.  It's inside me to make things happen, it always has been.  If I want something, I mean really want something, I get there come hell or high water.  I'll say it's a perk of being me.

I'm here, right now, making the life I want to have.  I'm making my happiness (and trying not to feel guilty for it).  Sure, I don't go out for many dinners, or buy fancy clothes. And I've sure got my own issues to deal with, social awkwardness/anxiety being just one of them.  I've got body issues and money guilt, but overall I'm happy, relaxed and content.  The things I want are either happening, or will come.  I'll see to it.  Things like religion don't bother me, my reason for being alive is simple: I am.  That's enough, there doesn't need to be more.  In my mind it's making mountains out of mole hills.  I am happy with my understanding of the universe as "out there" and with God as "for you". Don't bother me with your existential BS, that's one of the things I decidedly don't need in my life.

You might say "what's the big deal, how couldn't you be happy/relaxed/content, nothing bad has ever happened to you!" You'd be totally right, and things may change.  But I hope for certain that my unwavering confidence that everything happens for a reason never changes.  I'm here right now, that is enough.  The things I want in my life will happen because I'll make it so.  Life will get tough, things will get crazy, shit will hit the fan, but I'll always know that I am the source of my happiness and nothing can change that.  

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